Never mind the fact that fathers are now more involved than ever in their children’s lives. That perception persists.

Think Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris and Nicky; Lynne Spears, who is now estranged from daughter Britney; and Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina.

While their celebrity has made them public examples, we ordinary mothers are at the end of our daughter’s pointy little fingers just as often.

Mother blame, as it is referred to by experts, is part of growing up and has a long history in our culture, said Dr. David Eigen, an Atlanta psychologist and author of “Women – The Goddesses of Wisdom: The Journey of Womanhood” (Gender Studies Institute Press).

“I mostly hear about fathers being either absent, physically abusive or emotionally unavailable,” Eigen said. “Mothers, though, are basically blamed for everything else because they are the ones typically thought of as the nurturer.”

When Mom is not available to fulfill that role, for whatever reason, he said children often feel neglected, unwanted and abandoned.

And when that child is female, the relationship is more likely to suffer, said Dr. Michael Finkelstein, medical director of Sun Raven, a New York center for holistic medicine.

Why?

Because a mother sees herself in her daughter and vice versa; she will often project her issues onto her female offspring, he said.

“They often see a characteristic that they don’t appreciate and they’re less tolerant,” Finkelstein said.

“It’s classic projection. They blame their mother to shift the focus away from themselves.”

To rise above blame, he said, both mothers and daughters must let go and take responsibility for themselves, their actions and their lives.

Anne Keeton, a Norcross, Ga., grief recovery specialist, agreed, saying that bedeviling our mothers is a common indicator of unresolved grief.

“What we inherit from our mothers is like someone leaving us a house full of stuff – some great, some not so great,” she said. “As adults we must take responsibility and consciously choose what we want to toss and what we want to make our own.”

That isn’t just true for adult children whose mothers are now dead; it’s true for those whose relationships with their mothers is broken.

Lisa Frank, an Atlanta public relations executive, said she and her mother continued to fight over little, dumb things well into her 50s.

“Then one day – knowing she had lung cancer – I finally decided that’s it,” Frank said. “After another blowup over something so small I told myself, ‘That is our last fight. It is up to me to not take the bait and to not respond.’”

Keeton said mothers are so good at pushing those buttons because they helped install them.

When Frank decided to not respond to her mother’s criticisms and strong opinions, she said, it worked.

“We never fought again, ever,” she said. “I was able to stay calm when she tried to get me riled up – simply out of habit on her part. It was all about how I responded or chose not to respond. It was a wonderful feeling. It made me wish I had the strength to try that approach sooner. We became real friends.”

Keeton said that rifts are best healed when they are addressed as grief.

“Because we don’t have accurate information about grief, we figure we’re stuck with it or that time will heal it,” Keeton said. “These options leave us hopeless, passive, and stuck. But that’s like sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire hoping time will fix it. Instead, life is better when we learn how to fix our own emotionally flat tires.”

2012 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Visit The Atlanta Journal-Constitution at www.ajc.com

By GRACIE BONDS STAPLES

Feeling isolated and worried that her baby might not be getting enough to eat, the Bloomington woman reaches for her new best friend – an iPhone – to check Facebook. She wonders: Who else in the world is awake and experiencing the same challenges?

While a new mom’s need for support hasn’t changed much over the years, the places she’s finding it have. If it takes a village to raise a child, then Facebook, Twitter and thousands of “mommy blogs” proliferating the Web have become the virtual village.

“Without this group, I’m not sure what type of mother I would be,” Champ said of the private Facebook community she belongs to called September Sweetpeas. The group comprises 300 women from all over the world who gave birth around the same month, including several from the Twin Cities. “I’ve learned more from these moms than I could from any book.”

The virtual mommy network is growing at a staggering pace. Fourteen percent of American women with at least one child blog about parenting or turn to blogs for advice, according to a recent study by Scarborough Research. And about 3.9 million U.S. moms identify themselves as bloggers.

Young mothers such as Champ, who checks in with her online mommy group daily, spend twice as much time online as women who are not moms, according to the 2012 American Media Mom report, a joint study between Nielsen and BabyCenter.com. The number of visits to the BabyCenter’s “community” page, where parents can find existing support groups or create their own, grew 259 percent from 2008 to 2011.

But these moms aren’t just showing off their babies’ latest photos. From postpartum depression to mother-in-law and marriage issues, no topic is off limits. What starts as an online exchange of ideas is often just the beginning of real-life friendships.

During those middle-of-the-night feedings, what – aside from sleep – do new moms long for?

Company. Someone who’s been there, who can feel their pain, maybe even offer a few tips they haven’t tried.

“When I’m up at 3 a.m., all I can do is take out my phone and start looking for answers,” said Alison Cromie, a Farmington, Minn., mom who initially experienced nursing difficulties. “In-person support groups are time-dependent; social media is immediate.”

New moms aren’t replacing the advice from their own mothers, existing friends and doctors, experts say, but are using social media to enhance their circles of support. They continue to forge relationships at day-care dropoff or through Early Childhood Family Education classes, but also connect online – often creating Facebook groups – to deepen their friendships.

“A lot of new moms today are digital natives,” said Susan Walker, an associate professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota who studies parents’ use of technology and social media. “They were brought up with these technologies, so it’s within their culture and their comfort to be socially engaged with other mothers through these media.”

Generic baby blogs started over a decade ago but have since splintered into diverse niche groups devoted to every parenting style imaginable. Whatever your beliefs – “cry it out” vs. attachment parenting, breast vs. bottle, co-sleeping vs. crib, cloth vs. disposable diapers – there’s a blog, forum or support group at which other parents are likely to share your views.

No matter their style, mothers by their biochemical nature are primed for bonding both with their babies and their communities, said Sara Pearce, owner and founder of Amma Parenting Center in Edina. New mothers have high levels of oxytocin, the “hormone of love” that aids in bonding with their babies, but also primes bonding with other mothers.

“Even though so much has changed in the way we connect and communicate with each other, fundamentally, things have been the same for an eternity,” said Pearce, also a nurse, certified nurse/midwife and lactation consultant. “Moms need other moms.”

Susan Biewen, a psychologist for Fairview Health Services, which specializes in postpartum issues, said online support has been very helpful in alleviating postpartum depression, particularly in the first isolating weeks after giving birth.

But as children reach school age, wired moms are less likely to engage with other mothers in online communities.

“A mother’s confidence grows as her kids get older,” Biewen said. “Her resources are more established within her lifestyle either through her children’s schools, activities or the neighborhood.”

Becoming real-life friends

Just because new moms connect online doesn’t mean they isolate themselves behind their computers and never leave the house to make real-life connections. Quite the opposite.

A recent Pew Research Center study found that the average social networking site user had more close ties than the average American and was half as likely to be socially isolated.

Missy Berggren, well known among mothers in the local social networking community, has formed many friendships with women she has never met face-to-face. Through Twitter, Facebook and her blog, the Marketing Mama, many of those connections evolved into real-life ones, too, over lunch meetings, “Tweetups” and local blogger events.

“The support and friendship is tangible, it is meaningful, it is very, very real,” she said of her online friends. “Then when it transcends to face-to-face, it’s even more powerful.”

Berggren, who co-founded the Minnesota Blogger Conference, said the stigma attached to meeting online friends in real life is fading away.

“There used to be a time five years ago where social media was this thing that only existed online, but in the last few years that’s changed,” she said. “Now online is just the beginning of the relationship.”

Berggren started connecting with local women via a message board on TheKnot.com in 2001 when she was planning her wedding. Over the next several years, many of the women kept communicating online and eventually met in person. They supported one another through pregnancy, motherhood and divorce. When one of the group’s members lost her battle with cancer, they came together at her funeral.

“It was very profound,” Berggren said. “And that was a relationship that began with a bunch of women online talking about Vera Wang wedding dresses.”

By AIMEE BLANCHETTE

Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, action and destruction, and for language

What it’s about: The U.S. Navy fights aliens.

The kid attractor factor: Scary aliens, big ships, big guns, and everybody from Rihanna to “The Greatest Generation” pitches in.

Good lessons/ bad lessons: “Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.”

Violence: Lots and lots, but nothing that graphic.

Language: Profanity, used for comic effect.

Sex: Scantily clad Brooklyn Decker, a few smooches.

Drugs: A few drinks, one comically bad decision.

Parents’ advisory: Dumb, harmless summer cinema fun in the “Independence Day” mold – OK for 10-and-up.

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING

Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual content, thematic elements and language

What it’s about: Assorted couples face the prospect of impending parenthood.

The kid attractor factor: Chris Rock cracks wise about being a father, young unmarrieds face the consequences of a one-night stand.

Good lessons/ bad lessons: You can plan a pregnancy, but there’s no way you’re ever truly “ready” for a baby.

Violence: None.

Language: Profanity, and more than a little of it.

Sex: Surprisingly tame, considering the subject.

Drugs: A little alcohol.

Parents’ advisory: A tad too racy for younger kids, OK for 12-and-up.

TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS COLUMN

This column is available to FAMREVIEWS subscribers only and is no longer part of your MCT News Service subscription. To continue publishing FAMREVIEWS, please contact Rick DeChantal at Tribune Media Services, 800-245-6536 or 312-222-4544 or rdechantal@tribune.com. Outside the United States, contact Tribune Media Services International at +1-312-222-8682 or tms-articlesales@tribune.com. You may also purchase individual columns a la carte on MCT Direct (www.mctdirect.com) or MCT International (www.mct-international.com).

2012, McClatchy-Tribune News Service.

By ROGER MOORE

Babies live in the present moment, are flexible and like to stretch. But the Mama & Baby Yoga classes are really for the moms.

One or two volunteers attend, holding and distracting the little ones who have had their fill of a quiet yoga practice, allowing their moms to continue with the asanas, or poses.

Hannah Muse teaches the Wednesday class and Treea Clements of Ben Lomond teaches the Tuesday class.

A mother of two, Clements said she started teaching postnatal yoga in 2005 and taught prenatal yoga before that. She said she includes a “check-in” time for moms to talk about what they might be dealing with as new parents.

“The women really bond,” she said. “We are all coming in to spiritually center and ground ourselves and to bring our bodies back to strength, flexibility and health. It includes some powerful inner stuff.”

The Tuesday class includes time with moms sitting in a circle with the infants, moving their chubby little legs around while singing or doing gentle poses together, at times using babies as weight to accentuate a pose.

Soft music plays while the babies make baby noises. There are lots of smiles.

Jenner Howland, who lives on the North Coast, came to a recent class with her cheeky, red-haired, 8-month-old daughter, Averly.

“I just love it; it’s something I can do with her,” Howland said. “And the first half of class we get our own yoga. I leave feeling more energetic and it’s time for myself and time to focus on my baby and what’s really important.

“I feel more grounded, more present to my child, when I leave,” Howland said.

Olivia Hearley of Aptos, Calif., said she likes the way the class helps her regain her core strength, some of which was lost during pregnancy. She said she needs it with two young sons.

“We actually get to do yoga and get a good workout,” said Hearley, who was with her 6-month-old son, Luka.

“I like feeling strong; it’s empowering. And just being present and conscious of your breath; we can all be reminded of that more,” she said. “It’s just a really sweet thing to do with your baby.”

Volunteer baby handler Mary-Margaret Bierbaum, a Santa Cruz, Calif., criminal defense attorney by trade, said she has been helping with Clements’ class for about four years, She said she is given a pass for a yoga class for her work.

But the real draw is the soft little babies, said Bierbaum, who does not have children but calls the class her “baby fix.”

“This is such a nice change from my stressful life,” Bierbaum said. “Sometimes I come straight from court. But I just look in their eyes and I see something of God, or the universal source.

“I seem to have a knack for putting them to sleep, and the mothers are so grateful.”

Teacher Clements said she is grateful to have the chance to help new moms. And the babies, she called them something to marvel at.

“For a lot of women, postpartum is not an easy transition,” Clements said. “I’m so glad to hold a space for them, to have the support this massive life change. And the spiritual aspect is important. It’s like ‘Oh, yeah, no matter what, I can remember that I embody this peaceful presence and my breath can bring me back to that.’”

“And,” she said, flashing a bright smile. “We have fun.” Prenatal and postpartum classes have been taught at the center for years, said Amar Gludt, manager of the center.

“And when you walk in that room, it’s just amazing; the energy is just so sweet,” he said.

By CATHY KELLY

Parent advice (From our panel of staff contributors):

Dads should approach Mother’s Day and mom’s birthday as opportunities to teach their kids what it means to treat someone well – and how to pull that off. Same goes for moms on Father’s Day: Set yourself up as a coach, offering starter ideas or just the notion that it’s time to do something special for mom or dad, and see where the kids take it. They’ll have great ideas and there will be more excitement around the day if they help plan the treat. You can insert grown-up wisdom where needed (a gift, or the choice to buy favorite pastries for breakfast rather than cook if that’s more doable, etc.) Making a moment special for someone else is a great social skill, and it should start at home.

-Cindy Dampier

Of course. The very existence of the little rug rats is what makes it “Mother’s Day.” Without their presence, it’d be just another Sunday, no? Involve them, show them it’s a special day for mom and explain why. Then try to teach them that being nice and helpful is a 365-day-a-year proposition, not just one Sunday in May.

-Bill Hageman

Heck, yes. She ain’t my mom, as I communicated to the lads at an early age. Beginning with crappy handmade cards (still locked safely away in my wife’s memories box) and moving up to collaborative meals created under dad’s watchful eye, helpful chores (90 minutes of weed-pulling means more to her than a new pair of earrings) and actual gifts (with dad input), I made it clear that this day is my sons’ responsibility. And I let them see what I’m doing for my mom, so they understand that this is a lifetime obligation.

-Phil Vettel

Expert advice:

Bless dad’s heart, really, for making sure mom gets her due. But unless they’re infants, kids need to do the heavy lifting.

“I see parents who act like a cross between a butler, a Sherpa, a concierge, an ATM, the secret police and a talent agent,” says clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel, author of “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee” (Scribner). “Then they’re disappointed and annoyed when kids act entitled and don’t notice that Mother’s Day is coming up.”

Same goes for Father’s Day, of course. An alternative, Mogel suggests: Offer gentle reminders that holidays (and birthdays too) are approaching and let the kids’ creativity take over.

“We all need a spiritual calendar that reminds us to mark these times with dignity and grace: Let’s think about mom, let’s think about dad,” Mogel says. “Obviously it will vary by the mother’s tastes, but do any activity that day that the mother has been longing to do and everyone has been dragging their feet about.

“The only rule for kids, I think, is whatever they do, they do it without complaining,” Mogel says.

And don’t be afraid to lay down the law.

“We’re so used to this hyper focus on fostering our kids’ delight and smoothing the path for them all the time,” Mogel says. “Parents live in constant terror that a child will be unhappy or frustrated or disappointed or feel any anguish or lonesome or feel not the center of things – all of which are terribly good for them. Mother’s Day is a good chance for it to be about mom.”

Have a solution?

You and your high schooler are invited to 8,000 graduation parties (seemingly). Is it bad form to skip some? Email us at parenthood@tribune.com. Find “The Parent ‘Hood” page on Facebook, where you can post your parenting questions and offer tips and solutions for others to try.

By HEIDI STEVENS

A: Lots of red flags here! I’ll do my best to help you deal with the most obvious ones. First, “Should I accept or should he change?” Anytime you have to ask someone to change, take a look at it. Yes, there are times when someone might be insensitive and you have to call the insensitivity to their attention, but that’s not what’s happening here. You’re asking who is right who is wrong – the rules of good ex-etiquette can definitely help point you in the right direction.

Good ex-etiquette rule number four is “Bio parents make the rules, bonus parents support them.” This means as the new partner you shouldn’t interfere with an already established child care arrangement – especially if the child care is grandma. It’s understandable that it makes you uncomfortable that the ex is around, however, that’s life in the wonderful world of co-parenting and if you’ve been living with this guy for two years, this shouldn’t be new to you. Either you’re not listening or your boyfriend’s not talking. Do your best to get on the same page.

It may be that your boyfriend needs to be more clear when establishing boundaries – not only with the ex, but with you. Everyone has to understand their role and do their best to stay within the lines or else people start stepping on toes, and that’s when you have problems. If you’re adamant that you don’t like an already established set-up, it may provoke your boyfriend to be less than honest with you – and as a result, he may not share his motivation for his decisions. That’s why, if you want the new relationship to continue, let dad and mom make the decisions and you do your best to help. If you can’t go along comfortably, don’t give ultimatums, refer to ex-etiquette rule number 10, “Look for the compromise.” If you don’t want to compromise, that’s a red flag that it may be time to move on.

In regard to the ex adopting children and their bonding with your boyfriend’s children: It sounds as if you don’t approve and if that is true, once again, refer to ex-etiquette rule number 4. Once the adoption is finalized the adopted children are adopted siblings. Based on that, it’s right that they bond with their siblings, and grandma’s home is a perfect place to initiate and reinforce that bond.

(Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, www.bonusfamilies.com. Reach her at drjannblackstone@gmail.com.)

By JANN BLACKSTONE

Now they’re back, and are ramping up their insulting, demeaning message a few notches. P&G’s campaign for the upcoming London Summer Olympics? “Thank you, Mom.” Excuse me? Only mom? Again? Really? How ’bout “Thank you, Mom and Dad.” Apparently not. As far as P&G is concerned, dads simply don’t exist.

Frankly, I’ve had enough. I’ve spent more than 15 years looking at – and critiquing – advertisers’ portrayals of fathers, and like most dads, I find that the majority of advertising is rather irrelevant to me. But there’s a difference between creating ads that are irrelevant and creating ads that completely deny that fathers exist. (Even Jif peanut butter, famous for their “Choosy Mothers Choose Jif” slogan, occasionally proclaims that “Choosy Mothers and Fathers Choose Jif.”) As a single dad, I do all the shopping for my family and I’ve spent a lot of money on P&G brands over the years. But as far as I’m concerned, P&G no longer exists. I’m taking my wallet elsewhere.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s no question, moms should be thanked. They do a lot. But when it comes to sports, research shows that dads play the primary role in sparking and instilling interest. Dads encourage their children and coach the teams. And dads are usually the ones who spend hours doing the physical practice: They pitch, swim, skate, kick, run, jump, and everything else to help their child gain the proficiency and edge – along with self confidence and resilience in the face of defeat – that every elite athlete needs to succeed.

Plenty of moms do the same, of course. But P&G already acknowledges all the hard work that moms put in. So why leave dad out?

Moms and dads each contribute different – yet equally important – things to their children’s development. One study, for example, found that children – boys and girls – whose fathers encouraged them in sports did better in school and had more successful careers later in life. And both moms and dads are striving to give their children the very best.

I have an MBA and understand quite well that women still account for the majority of household spending. But not 100 percent. Not even close. And with more and more men taking on a greater role at home – and doing a greater share of the shopping – the importance of dads as consumers is increasing steadily.

Earlier this year, Chris Routly, a stay-at-home dad in Pennsylvania, started a petition to encourage Huggies to end their “Ultimate Test: Dads” campaign, which a lot of fathers and plenty of mothers) found offensive. Huggies had the good sense to immediately respond and they’ve reworked the campaign to make it much more dad-friendly. Huggies clearly understands that dads account for a growing share of household spending and they understand that positive images build brand loyalty. Other companies, such as Volkswagen, have created campaigns that acknowledge dads, not only as consumers, but as caring, loving parents.

So here’s the message to P&G: This is the 21st century. Today’s dads are involved at every stage of our children’s lives. Ignoring us as parents is insulting. And alienating us as consumers isn’t good for business.

If you agree – and I hope you do – please sign the petition at http://tinyurl.com/P-G-IncludeDadsPetition and urge Procter & Gamble to acknowledge the vital role dads everywhere play in our children’s lives.

(Read Armin’s blog at DadSoup.com, send email to armin@mrdad.com, and follow him on Twitter @mrdad.)

2012, Armin Brott

By ARMIN BROTT

Because my next book, due out in the fall, contains a chapter on attachment parenting’s destructive propaganda, I have done considerable research of late on the subject. For those of you who are not familiar with this latest parenting trend, attachment parenting is all about parents and children sleeping together, mothers “wearing” their infants (constantly carrying them around in slings), breastfeeding these same children until they are 2 or 3, and generally centering their lives on their kids in perpetuity.

Supposedly, all this fuss over children is essential to making sure mother and child properly “bond.” According to the movement’s high priest, California pediatrician Bill Sears, proper bonding is supposed to enhance the mother-child relationship, nurture better emotional health, and even make the child smarter and less likely to lie.

That’s right! On his website, in an essay titled “11 Ways to Raise a Truthful Child,” Sears writes “Connected children do not become habitual liars. They trust their caregivers and have such a good self-image they don’t need to lie.” In the same article, he promises parents who choose to adopt his method that they will develop the wisdom they need to make proper decisions for their children and that their children will “turn out better” than children raised otherwise.

By “turn out better” Sears means a child who is more intelligent, calm, secure, socially confident, empathic, and independent than a child raised according to prevailing Western norms. Mind you, he doesn’t support this with any evidence obtained via the scientific method (an experiment involving both a control group and an experimental group) because he can’t. There is no such evidence. To be blunt, Sears is making all this up. He’s, well, let’s just say he and his mother must not have properly bonded.

In fact, no unbiased research has ever affirmed any emotional or behavioral advantage to parent-child co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, or “baby wearing.” To cite but one example, James J. McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, says that he has yet to find any benefit to parents and children sleeping together. McKenna is widely regarded as the world’s foremost authority on infant sleep issues.

The harm of attachment parenting is testified to by numerous ex-AP parents who have shared with me horror stories about the damage done to their marriages by co-sleeping and the problems they’ve had trying to get over-dependent children as old as eight out of their beds. In an Amazon consumer review of Sears’s “The Attachment Parenting Book,” a mother who is trying to recover from his advice with two small children says, “This book ought to come with a warning!”

When all is said and done, the only person who seems to have benefitted from attachment parenting is Dr. Bill Sears.

(Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions on his website at www.rosemond.com.)

By JOHN ROSEMOND

To date, the President has had his picture snapped eating a hot dog with British Prime Minister David Cameron (should have shared a big salad with no dressing, fellas), cheeseburgers with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev (how about some of our delicious American carrot sticks, sir?) and stopping for a burger at Five Guys where the grease from the fries soaks the paper bag (should have kept walking to Whole Foods).

To the best of my understanding, the group demanding the photo ban, Physicians for Responsible Medicine Committee, is comprised of anti-meat, anti-dairy people that recognize three food groups: lettuce, tofu and gravel.

Although I am usually at odds with the food police, I am completely on board with the proposed ban. Frankly, it doesn’t go far enough. The ban should extend to the entire nation. No more pictures of people eating food. Period. We don’t need pictures of half an orange in someone’s mouth, barbecue sauce smeared across someone’s face or spaghetti snaking down someone’s chin.

Pictures of people eating are never attractive. I have tried to stress this to the husband who jumps up on a chair at every holiday meal, raises his camera for a good angle while people pass serving dishes, load their forks and break off pieces of rolls. People freeze every three seconds and nervously glance at the camera to see if it is safe to open their mouths and shove in a bite.

Even in the famous Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving illustration, people are not actually eating the food, they are simply admiring the food.

Once in awhile, a couple in a movie may share food in a romantic moment, but even then you’re looking to see if a strand of saliva is going to follow the strawberry from her mouth into his. Pictures of people eating are gross.

Fortunately, I have some cousins who helped prove my point. When I attended a funeral shortly after Thanksgiving one year, a cousin leaned forward from the pew behind and said, “I saw pictures your daughter posted of her Thanksgiving table on Facebook. It was a beautiful table. I brought a picture so you could show her what your cousins’ holiday table looked like.”

The table was littered with paper plates and plastic cups. There were seven bottles of alcohol, scattered beer cans and several wine bottles on a counter. Two cousins were in the foreground sharing an open bag of chips.

This is why we do not take pictures of people eating. Not even family. Especially family.

And who doesn’t have etched into memory an image of that kid from the grade school lunch table who always ate with his mouth open? The sight was so revolting the kid may have helped keep other kids from getting fat.

I’m all for a hard and fast rule that maximizes the pleasure of eating. Food on, cameras off.

—

(Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Contact her at lori@loriborgman.com)

2012, Lori Borgman

By LORI BORGMAN

The good news? In April she got a kidney transplant, and now she’s sharing her story, via Seventeen and “Good Morning America.”

“My dad gave me a freakin’ kidney!” she told Seventeen, which features her on its June/July cover. She said she knew she could always count on her family for support, but “it’s also the families that you create outside of your family. And you really find out what kind of people you’re friends with.” It was, she said, an eye-opening experience.

She told the magazine she was especially lucky to have boyfriend Matt Prokop, whom she met on “High School Musical 3″ a few years back. He also made a “Modern Family” appearance this past season as her TV beau.

“He helps me with my medication and takes me to doctor appointments and all the stuff that I need to do to take care of myself,” she said. “Any other 21-year-old guy would not be there, I guarantee it. I am one of the luckiest people in the world to have him be there for me.”

Though she was diagnosed with kidney dysplasia at age 9, Hyland had to wait for her painful, fatigue-inducing condition to deteriorate before a kidney transplant was an option, according to Monday’s “GMA” report. That meant some rough times on the job for the child of two actors who has been working since she debuted as Howard Stern’s daughter in “Private Parts,” filmed when she was 5.

“If you’re sick you still go to work and in between takes you sit down or you lay your head down or something,” Hyland told “GMA,” explaining that she had dealt with her health needs in character.

“I try to make it so that Haley’s always sitting down. If you notice she’s sitting down a lot, texting, or like leaning on something, texting.” After surgery, she said, she also was able to lean on Julie Bowen, her on-screen mom, who swung by to help with things like cleaning her apartment.

The show is on hiatus now, giving Hyland months to recover. She has also teamed with the George Lopez Foundation as a youth ambassador. (The comedian is also a kidney transplant recipient.)

She seemed giddy with her prospects for the future – “I have a kidney in me now!” – and at peace with her life so far.

“If you ask, ‘Why me?,’ well, why not you? You know? It makes you the person that you are today.”

By CHRISTIE D’ZURILLA