I figured it was just a matter of time before suits were filed against Greyhound for the horrific accident here in Fresno that took 6 lives and injured so many others.  I feel for all of the people who have suffered loss and injury and such trauma.  And I realize the investigation is not complete, however, to sue Greyhound because the driver “did not fulfill his duty to transport the passengers safely”??? C’mon people.  WHY couldn’t he do that?  Because some young girls out for a night of fun, decided to drink (underaged…illegal) at a bar (which should be held accountable if they acquired liquor there) or elsewhere and then made the irresponsible and fatal decision to get behind the wheel of a vehicle, instead of letting the SOBER PASSENGER drive!  And although the driver and his inability to swerve out of the way of the vehicle or even see it is in question, I can’t imagine that a bus driver is expecting a car to be overturned, carriage side facing him, at 2:00 a.m.  And you can’t compare the 3rd vehicle, a CRV, to a BUS for goodness sakes.  A bus can’t maneuver like a small crossover.  The entire thing is tragic but to sue Greyhound?  To place any blame on the SOBER driver, adds to this tragedy.  Along with the comments from people about how kids are young and they just make mistakes…or how they’re not going to blame them because they were drunk. Really?? WHY?  They were and if not for the poor, irresponsible choices of these girls, all would still be alive.  No law suit will make anyone better or bring a loved one back, let’s place accountability where it should be…the drunk girls and possibly the club that sold them liquor, or whatever other person/source gave them liquor and contributed to this tragedy. 

Sad and tragic all the way around.

Life is about leaving a legacy and you do that through meaningful relationships.  I’ve never been to a memorial where a child (or friend or family member) said “he was so special because he presented himself as a good leader…he only played ball with me on occasion”.  It’s the compassionate, loving, hands-on, RELATIONAL person that leaves a lasting legacy, impacts lives and inspires us to reflect on our own life.  The one’s who are willing to go out after a long day or week at work and throw the ball around, regardless of how exhausted he is.

I love and respect my dad, not just because he’s a successful business man and leader (although I do respect & admire these qualities), but because he’s a dad that still gives me a high five, isn’t afraid to say “I love  you”, plays ball with his grandkids and sees his baby granddaughter every day at lunch!  THAT is a real man…THAT is a man worthy of praise and respect.  THAT is what a good father is made of!  I’ll take my high-fiving dad over the non-relational, business-like dad ANY DAY!!!

Seems to me that Dr. Rosemond was in need of that relationship and didnt’ get it!

Interesting article…because my thinking is along the same lines as to why I was going to work as long as possible. Money & wanting to spend as much time as possible recovering & being with my baby.  Something to think about for those who are PG!!

I just hit 7 months! WOOHOOOO!!!

This is a tribute to my Aunt, whom passed away Thursday, 5/15. She was 51 years old. She was a stage 3 cancer survivor who was initially given a year to live.  Through her determination to survive, she beat it! She went through radical treatment which included chemo for a spot on the liver.  The ironic & tragic part of this is that the tube inserted in the liver had leaked & they believe caused her cirrhosis (sp?) of the liver…which is what took her life.  It's just wrong in every way possible.  We all lost a special person….this is what I was blessed enough to witness over the past month, put into words & read at her service.  This is the kind of love that keeps hope alive and gives new meaning to life.  To my Aunt Robin Renee Gatz…I love you. And my Uncle Jerry for being her angel…you are amazing! In this past month, I experienced something that was truly eye opening; The kind of experience that can only be described as life changing; An experience that leaves you breathlessly in awe.  That experience was true love; The kind of love that can’t be felt or experienced through the big screen and doesn’t fade with time.  I witnessed the undying love of a man & a woman. A love that respects, honors and values – not value based on money or possessions, but values the humanness and sprit in another.  Love that was filled with unconditional acceptance, thoughtfulness and infectious laughter; Intertwined with fight, stamina and endurance; A love that found peace in the present moment.  A love that didn’t operate individually but faced life’s challenges together…a true partnership that was selfless and put the needs of the other above their own…undefined by comfort zones. Love that didn’t look for the flaws, but found the good; A love that didn’t leave the hard stuff to someone else, but welcomed the fight with uncompromising courage and strength; A sweet love that illuminated my aunt’s beautiful face with a glow that only comes from the spirit and peace of God and the love of her husband.  I was blessed with the gift of being witness to love in it’s truest form…the ACT of love.  One that is precious and rare; One that we should all be striving for;  Thank you, Aunt Robin & Uncle Jerry, for allowing me to witness your love in it’s fullness and purity.  You’ve shown me what love looks like and my life is richer than it’s ever been because of your gift.  I love you both.

After almost 20 years of parenting (13 of them single parenting), many painful mistakes, and a lot of blame/responsibility shifting (an ongoing issue in our society) I thought I'd share what I've come to know as a mom & a woman…            

As parents, we're all in or will be in the same boat…I have 3 teens. Two boys, 14 & 19 and a girl, 17 (as of next Thursday).  I've had the "under the breath" comments and the basic not listening to a word I've said issue and of course, all the drama that comes with girls, like my daughter whom I affectionately refer to as The Negotiator.  Give an inch, she'll take a mile and then start negotiating the other 10!  Not that this is bad.  It’s a great quality in her and as her mother, I’m teaching her to use her powers for good instead of evil! J There's a lot going on in teens and I use to make the mistake of thinking it was all about me and/or our home life, etc.  There's a lot going on in their world, outside of our homes…all normal things. Hormones, friends, school pressure, peer pressure, figure-out-your-future pressure and they're experiencing a world of information overload that we didn’t have at their age, which I think has added to the pressure.  It's also encouraged them to speak their minds, whether it to friends, family or parents, which can be a double-edged sword at times.  I think our teens are trying to, as we did, figure out who they are and how to express themselves & be heard given the load of things going on inside & outside of themselves that even they are unaware of. They are not completely capable of truly thinking in terms of the "big picture" and consequences. Not to be used as an excuse but to be considered when you wonder what in the world they were thinking when they…(fill in the blank).  I believe one of the most important jobs we have as parents, at this point in their lives, is to love them, support them, guide them, educate them on the “what if” scenarios, and then let them make educated decisions/mistakes…reaping the benefits or suffering the consequences.  There are a lot of stages in their lives when they start to break away from parents (especially mom) and have the natural desire to become more independent and less controlled, which is what was required when they were younger…but as they grow, we need to learn to let that go and step in to a different role in our relationships with them.  One that lets them make mistake’s, holds them accountable, extends compassion & understanding when they fall, gives complete acceptance of who they are (not necessarily their decisions) and respects them as human beings.  But above all, a mutually respectful relationship that leaves the door of communication open.  By doing these things, I've discovered that my kids will (sooner or later) come to me with issues, mistakes, celebrations, and decisions they're trying to make or already have made…even if hearing these things are like nails down a chalkboard, I listen and it gives them a sense of security and freedom without feeling like I'm suffocating or controlling them….and I don’t say "I told you" when they make a mistake. They're very well aware of their mistakes even if they never admit it.  One of the most profound and worthwhile things I have done is to take time to just be present with them, even if it’s just sitting in the same room while they watch T.V., play a video game, or type away on myspace. I make small talk asking questions about their day, their friends, music, movies or anything that opens that door of communication.  If nothing else, it will just send the message that I'm here and I'm interested in them as people, not just in their chores, cell phone usage, their GPA, or what they've done wrong.  It's about being interested in WHO THEY ARE outside of those things, outside of my function as a parent…interested in their lives, period.  They all have the makings of normal teenagers with normal attitude…but that's just the surface stuff.  There always seems to be so much more going on in their lives beyond what I see as a mother.  So, I’ve stopped looking at them through the eyes of just a mother and started looking at them through the eyes of a human being which has not only had a huge impact on our relationships but, believe it or not, their attitude.  Teens want to break away from mom & dad, spread their wings and see what they’re made of, yet still have the security of knowing they are loved and accepted for who they are and whatever place they happen to be at in life.  This doesn’t mean that they will not spout off occasionally because they’re having a bad day or that they won’t completely blow it somehow.  Nor does it mean that WE won’t spout off or completely blow it somehow.  It simply means that we have the kind of relationship that extends grace when we do and that it’s O.K. to not be perfect nor is it expected.  It shows them how to be transparent and vulnerable as well as humble enough to say “I completely blew it and I’m sorry”.  Now this is not always the case nor is it an easy road for any of us…we struggle daily with the art of communication and more so, the art of listening.  However, I’ve discovered that when I least expect it, they show a sign that my words DID get through at a time when I thought those words were falling on deaf ears.  Even in the craziness of everyday life, I do know this…that at the end of any day and at the end of my life, what really matters to me is not GPA’s, bills, messy rooms or being right.  What really matters are real, honest, human being to human being relationships.  Love and acceptance of the good, the bad and the ugly.  It’s where it all begins…and ends.