This here fly landed in my coffee cup the other day. And then I drank it. It was thick and fuzzy in my mouth, and I got a pretty good understanding of the nature of true fly substance before I spit it out.

Probably the grossest thing I’ve done in a while, but hardly a ripple when it comes to my latest challenge. It’s a challenge that seemingly felt pretty cool at first, but as I’m finding, it’s not always a walk in the maternal mommy park.

Today I’m learning how to be a mother to ONLY two…two quieter, easier wonderful teens, that is. My oldest. My coolest. Wait, did I just type that?!

Yeah.

I’m learning how to go to Target without ANYONE asking me a million questions. Like, all I had to do was push the cart through open space, without navigating around little feet in my way.

I felt free to go shoe shopping!!

Underwear shopping!!

The teens were with me the whole time, and I didn’t hear even one peep from them.

I felt so free without the younger set, that I actually did something I haven’t done in a while – got myself and the teens mocha frappuccinos from Starbucks.

It’s a lot cheaper to buy three drinks, as opposed to five after all.

The younger set is staying with their grandmother at her beach house until Sunday. I’ve already caught myself having thoughts of possible day trips with the older set, or to just hang out with them at the bookstore in the little set’s absence.

You know…do things we might not normally do.

It’s hard to plan things when your entourage is so huge…or when they ask so many questions.

But for now, while they’re gone, I’ve been able to do laundry, make dinner, work from home, etc.

I feel like the sky is the limit.

But I’ve also come to realize another thing, too. All this change is ok and everything.

But, really?

I’m TOO free.

There isn’t enough multi-tasking going on in my head right now.

Life’s too easy.

There’s no drama.

No conflict.

And I miss them.

How I’m going to make it to Sunday is beyond me.

I hope it goes by fast.

Being free is definitely not all it’s cracked up to be sometimes.

It’s probably how that fly felt just before he landed in my cup of coffee. He was probably so freaking happy to have found such an amazing delicious liquid to partake of, and then he drowned in all its glorious freedom.

Ok, maybe that’s not exactly how I’m feeling, but it might be just a tad.

The Gameboy has been their go-to gadget ever since they found the dinosaur contraption in the garage at the beginning of summer.

Pokemon has been revived once again.

I had to inwardly chuckle at my Nina Noo. Leave it to her to speak her mind. She’s like a younger version of her mother, only with more gusto.

Or is she…..

I stared sadly at the Gameboy which floundered like a fish out of water…a shell of its former self now, and Aidan was reduced to tears.

Then, the million questions start.

No, I explained, I don’t know anyone who can fix plastic stuff, and no, I don’t know anyone who can sew it back together.

Where’s their resourcefulness! I suddenly wondered why the little kids didn’t automatically jump at the idea to fix a gadget. I certainly fixed things all the time when I was their age.

It reminded me of the time when I was 11 and I found a cassette tape on the sidewalk when I was out roaming the neighborhood alone. The cassette had a crack, but I didn’t ALLOW that small detail to squash my glee. I still somehow got it to work in the cassette player when I took it back home. I think it was a 2 Live Crew album (ha).

But anyway, the Gameboy still worked, but the kids just didn’t know what to do with its floppiness. Sure, I could have fixed it, but where’s the fun in that?!

So they’re without a game console for now, because they weren’t resourceful enough to put it back together on their own. I MIGHT explain it to them one day…I might even bring home an old radio for them to take apart, but to think that toy-playing is over because the toy is cracked is unacceptable.

These lifeforms I’m raising are obviously living in a different world. Who do they think is going to fix it? It’s not going to be me…it’s ok to fix things, it’s ok to figure it out on your own, and not ask a million questions. Learn by doing. It worked just fine for me when I was their age.

Here’s another case in point: because of the recent Fresno heat, I took the entire troop to Fashion Fair on Saturday, thinking it would be a cool and relaxing outing with the fam bam. No such luck was had.

No sooner do we get there, but the questions start: Mom, look at _______. Mom, can we ________? Mom _______?

I don’t know about you all, but I just didn’t ask my mom and dad a million questions when I was their age – I just figured it out on my own. I don’t know what makes my kids think I’m the end all be all to every childhood question imaginable, but I definitely feel that I now have gathered enough kiddie questions to write a small how-to book.

Is this a generational thing?

One of the trippiest questions I had came from Nina. She wanted SPECIFICALLY to go to some store…it had to do with bracelets and jewelry and stuff, and THEN she wanted to go to Claire’s….which also has jewelry and bracelets and stuff. But before that, she wanted to look at some sort of twinkle toed shoe thing, blah, blah, blah.

Now, anyone who knows me knows I am shopper-challenged. For example, I’ve spent the last few years looking for a good purse and still haven’t found one. I’ve been known to just carry around a wallet. I also don’t know how people shop til they drop like they do. I just need to get in, and get out, and get on with life.

So in a nutshell, these kids with all their questions were driving me a bit batty. The only reason why they even knew about these shops in the first place was not because of me, it was because they went shopping with a family friend a couple weeks ago who just happened to like to shop. And now they expect me to be the same way.

Ha.

By the time we got to the Disney store, I was done with the questions. Teddy Bear stuffing store? Not! Pretzel place? Not! I didn’t care if they had a million dollars worth of birthday money that was burning a hole in their pocket. There were too many questions about how they were going to spend their money casually just because they could. Sure, I could have ALLOWED it, but it just went against every notion of morals within me. And did I mention there were too many questions?

They just have to realize they live in a consumer-driven world, but are blessed with an anti-consumer-driven mama. Sure, I like to LOOK at things at the stores in the mall….but that surely does not mean I’m necessarily going to buy anything. They really need to get that.

I also told them they were not going to be buying anything at the mall that day because their questions had taken all the fun out of meandering about the mall, and that if I was ever going to take them back again, they needed to check the high amount of question-making at the door.

We left the mall, and went to GW School Supply. I actually needed to buy something that was school related. The kids tagged along and I told them they were allowed only ONE question while we were there. We ended up finding the cheap toy section, and THIS time, when they asked if they could get a toy, they prefaced it by telling me the price first.

Needless to say a $2.00 toy was a lot easier to agree to, and they walked out the door with something new to look at, lose, or break. Yay.

Of course I used this whole experience as a teaching moment for them, by explaining how much cooler it is to walk out of a store with most of your money in tact, as opposed to blowing it all in one moment of weakness…in addition to the question thing.

Some people learn better by doing, and others learn by questioning, and maybe that’s where I am with them. Either way, the questions have to be focused and direct, and should be kept to a minimum, and not just shot out at will. I hope they realize that eventually. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

taken from the west side of the San Joaquin Valley, 2005

Today was  a typical good summer morning at our house. We slept in late (even the little kids), woke up, had some coffee, and threw a good old fashioned cleaning party.

The cleaning party is designed in such a way as to promote good cheer, while doing something that might not normally be considered so cheery. It works. The KIDS work. And thanks to the iPad, we were able to bump Power 106 from Los Angeles – a virtual commercial-free Pop radio station.

And now, I have a cleaner house, and it definitely sets the tone for the remainder of the weekend that’s coming up.

During the cleaning party, there was some discussion about conducting a “no electronics” day today, to see if the younger set could handle it. Operating phrase here is “some discussion.” Nice idea, but no. Another day, perhaps. We’re currently installing a supposedly faster Internet system, thanks to the Comcast guy we met at Best Buy the other day. Apparently they have an offer of $20 a month for six months, with speeds “of up to” 15 Mbps. Not too shabby!

Now that we have this killer Internet speed, we’re also getting into playon.tv. It’s a new way to do TV, people. For 40 bucks a year, from a network PC with Playon installed, you send the TV signal wirelessly to your Wii, Xbox 360, or PS3, and get all the TV that your heart will allow.  You can access things like CBS, Hulu, MTV, CNN, PBS, ESPN, and Comedy Central. It’s so cheap! You can even install pluggins for Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Classic Cartoons. We’re now seriously thinking about canceling our satellite service, in exchange for playon.

In other news, I got a really big kick outta seeing this video from YouTube today, shot by a guy from Mariposa of all places. It’s a tape of a double rainbow in the mountains. It’s gone viral, having received well over 2 million hits.

Have you seen it yet??? Your thoughts???

The actual footage itself is not really the story. What IS the story, is the guy’s reaction to the rainbow. People have been saying that he must have been on something to have had such a strong emotional reaction like he did, but I’d like to think maybe there’s something more.

It looks like he’s posted other video, too, that has to do with similar subjects. Here, he’s ooing and ahhhing about wild turkeys and the moon. You know, it’s kind of like when you have little kids, and you take them to the zoo, and you point out the zebra, and they get all excited. It could be just like that.

So, yeah, say what you want about this guy, but I’d like to think there’s something more. He COULD just be a naturalist. He gets the fact that there’s intricate beauty to behold in nature. He gets the fact that nature is FILLED with awesome and amazing opportunity…to witness sights not normally seen from a fast-paced lifestyle perspective.

Maybe he’s a guy whose sole adventure in life is to seek out and find the ultimate view. He probably waited his whole life to see such a thing, and now that he has, he’s just awe struck. It’s probably like his version of Mecca. I think that’s what’s really going on here. Metaphysical greats like Thoreau, Whitman, Emerson, and Donne would be pleased.

People had the same reaction to The Beatles after all. And they were just musicians. Rainbows aren’t so common. They’re not man-made. They are definitely magical.

I totally dig his vibe, and commend him for posting such a personal reaction. May we all get a little crazy for nature once in a while, and find ourselves refreshed and renewed.

Enjoy!

Sure, it takes a constant awareness, and a higher sense of priorities, but our family is worth the investment of time and dedication.

The following is a list of suggestions we can all use to get our words more focused on a higher-quality meaning:

1. Schedule a block of time each day to hang out with your kids
2. If you think you’re going to say something in anger, stop yourself, and count to ten…or twenty
3. Eat dinner together often
4. Read together
5. Model your own speech in a way you want your own children to speak
6. Take time for yourself each day to focus on improvement
7. Plan on having family night each week
8. Make a conscious choice to speak with love, patience, and understanding
9. Ask questions that perpetuate dialogue
10. Share your feelings and be honest about them with your kids if you’re having a hard day

But first, some background: I designed the general class structure to include one such lecture each day. The topics aim at the heart. When I first started out, I’d spend hours rehearsing the content and presentation, but now, I’m finding that the best points I make might not have been planned, but happen when I am in the moment, while I consciously consider the right words to say.

When I am done giving the lecture, the students are required to write a 1/2 page response. I provide writing prompts, if needed. They are free to write at will, but nobody is allowed to just sit there. Many of them end up writing more than the required minimum.

If they have trouble concentrating (which some do…they’re chatty!), I’ll sit down next to them, and make sure they finish the assignment. It has to do with my high expectations and the value I have on seeing them succeed.

The content level is challenging. I want them to read essays that are more advanced to show them they can be successful deep-thinkers who know what it means to think and read critically.

Yesterday’s lecture had to do with word choice, and living out life so that we are consciously in the moment – choosing our words, actions, and thoughts as we travel in the maze of opportunity that we call life. Every moment, we are given an incredible choice to choose what we do, what we say, what we think. I demonstrated this process to several small groups, and marveled at their thoughtful perspectives.

Anyone can move unconsciously across a room. Most people just walk from point A to point B without putting much thought into it. I pointed out how the students were sitting, where they had their hands on the desk, how they had a smile on their face. Most of those actions were done without thinking. I pointed out that, as I was speaking to them, each word they heard from my mouth had a purpose, just like their words can have a more focused purpose, too.

I explained there were many different options I could have just chosen, in that point in time: I could have chosen to sit at my desk, not help them, and hope they’d figure it out on their own; I could have helped other people on the other side of the room. The point is that there were many paths within this space that I could have chosen, but I consciously chose to talk to them, at the time, and help with their essay. At any given moment, they have a choice with their actions, thoughts, and words. The question they must ask themselves is: “What are you going to do with it?”

Each moment is precious, after all.

When I was in high school and junior high, we ran a lot, and I struggled with it every single time. Not because I was out of shape, but it literally made me ill. I’d get dizzy and nauseous; I felt my head might explode.

Running was never my thing.

I joined the swim team one year, and ended up loving the long distance races. I even got a job working at Wild Water Adventures Clovis Lakes my Junior year as a lifeguard. For some reason my body could swim for days, but couldn’t run.

When I grew into adulthood, I still couldn’t run, but flexibility was something I somehow maintained. I guess it was just the way I was made. I did yoga every once in a while, just to make sure I could still pull it off.

Now that I’m 35 though, things are different. I’m now toying with the notion that something dramatic needs to change. Not that I’m way out of shape, per se, but I know I could do better.

I’ve never been a runner…

Until now.

Thanks to some friends I’ve met recently on Twitter (@kimcollier and @oneheavenlyhart), and the amazing support I have from my husband and kids (and next-door neighbor, Amy) at home, I now have created a little network of people in my community who share my commitment to health.

I recently surprised myself and walked a whole 45 minutes on the treadmill at the gym. Not that I ran, but it was a start.

And yesterday? I RAN the first assignment on my training schedule….twice!!

Yes, this fall, I plan on running the half-marathon relay with some friends and/or my oldest son in the Eye-Q Two Cities Marathon.

I’ve decided that it’s time I tackle this running issue I’ve always had, and commit to beating it.

If I’ve learned anything during my days as a single mom, while going to work, raising four kids, getting a BA, and soon to be starting a Masters program, it’s that the sky is the limit, and you’ll reach your goal if you just keep it positive, while putting one foot in front of the other.

Before, I never would have dreamed of attaining such high goals, but I’m in a better place now, and have a stronger base of support. I never thought I’d be doing this ten years ago, and it just goes to show you what a truly beautiful gift positive people can bring to your life.

(photo via picturesofpeoplerunning.com)

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Today news sources are announcing that former Vice President Al Gore is splitting from his wife, Tipper – his spouse of 40 years. My first reaction was you have got to be kidding me. Who gets a divorce after 40 years of marriage? Who puts up with all that drama and tension (in the public eye, nevertheless) only to jump ship once they get to the happy golden years?

Their kids are grown, the house is paid off, there’s a sizable retirement in a well-established nest egg. It’s too late for this, people…don’t go to this extreme and throw it all away. Why didn’t you think about this a long time ago?

If you recall in the case of their friends, the Clintons, Hilary didn’t leave President Clinton after his fiasco in the 90′s. On the contrary, she stayed with him. She moved on (at least on the outside). She became a senator!

Not that I agree with Hilary either, because I probably wouldn’t have stayed, but the point is that they’re still together, it was their decision, and they got through it somehow…and now they SHOULD BE set. The thought of divorce shouldn’t even cross their minds now because they’ve already made it this far. They’ve learned their lessons.

I’m not saying that what Hilary did when she chose to stay is necessarily understandable, but to me, it’s easier to understand than calling it quits after 40 years like Al and Tipper. Sure, I understand the whole “better late than never” defense, but it just seems way too late for me.

Is getting a divorce after 40 years any different than someone in their 80s getting a divorce? I mean, really. Is it REALLY that bad that they’ve got to do a complete re-invention of the system NOW, at this point in their lives?

There’s so many years that have been lost. Love should conquer all if a marriage reaches a certain milestone, whether they’ve been together 40 years, or if they’re 80 years old. It’s just not right to drag it out like that…you should be free and clear at a certain point in your marriage. Not that I know that’s really the case, but it should be.

(Photo source: AP)

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The back door is open to let in some crisp fresh air, and the youngest set of children is upstairs entertaining themselves. They’re all snacking on Goldfish. Every once in a while, the teens break into show tunes. Doing double duty, they’re also rehearsing for a school play that’s ALSO coming up.

My other teen is away at a friend’s house practicing music for a band they’re forming. Dudes doing dude things, with loud instruments. Rough-and-tumble-type stuff.

These are the days they will remember when they grow up and have jobs and families and kids of their own. I know this because while I find myself in the midst of all this teen hoopla, I am remembering my own teenage adventures – of a time when the school year was coming to an end for a younger me.

I met my best friend while trying out for “Our Town” at Roosevelt High. We were freshmen in a packed room, and as soon as I saw her, I knew we’d be best friends. We were in East Hall, Rm. 116, to be exact. I remember it like it was yesterday.

We romped around campus as if we had nothing to lose. Totally clueless, really, but we didn’t care. All we knew was that we had loads of fun, and were bound with an amazing synchronicity, and that we had an entire school of friends we needed to make.

I’ve had a great opportunity to re-live the teenage years through my teen’s eyes. I marvel at the newness of their comments about things like how cool it is that some stop lights have sensors, while others are timed, or how you don’t really have to press on the break quickly when you come to a full and complete stop.

The teens have made a mess of the front room, but I don’t care. Nobody’s going to remember it anyways. Instead, they’ll remember the fun, and how they felt when they lived through the last few days of school before a summer vacation begins.

“Seuss…Seuss…Seuss…Seuss…”

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I’m not talking about the extremes that will land you in the news, of course. I’m talking about the minor ones that turn a seemingly good day into a drama-filled one. The behavior that, if left unchecked, will add up to years of resentment by the kid, and put up walls between the relationship of parent and child.

It’s not good. It’s as if some parents are parenting with something to prove . It’s as if the choices that are guiding what they say and do to the kids are actually based on what they experienced – or didn’t experience – as a child.

Like for example, in what world does a parent reign holy terror on a kid for getting a B?

That’s an extreme, wouldn’t you say? But it happens. Maybe it happens in the form of excessive lecturing, unfair amounts of privileges being taken away…whatever form of over-reaction you could insert here.

It begs the question: Was this parent a bad student themselves, in school?  Now that little Johnny got a B, are they afraid they’re going down the same road they did, and the next step he’s going to take is *gulp* getting a C? Perhaps they might even conclude that surely he MUST be spiraling out of control.

But he probably isn’t.

Who knows what qualifies a parent to lash out on a child for getting a B like that. It makes me wonder: maybe the tripped-out behavior is because their own parents weren’t all that supportive of their own educational game, and now that they have children of their own, they’re overcompensating the inefficiencies they had back then, to go extra hard on the teens.

So. Not. Right.

It’s a vicious circle of choosing to react in the extreme. Obviously a B is not the end of the world, but many parents – for whatever reason – will act like it is.

Sure, we all have our own unique parenting styles, but much of it is in direct response to the styles by which our own parents raised us. Should we want our kids to be successful in life? Sure, but surely we need to look for a happy medium.

We might not have liked certain aspects of the way we were brought up, but that doesn’t mean we need to parent like we’re on a mission to prove the tactics of our own parents were wrong. We have to find a balance in our parenting styles that is as drama-free as possible. This will ensure our kids will still talk to us when they reach their 20′s.

It’s such a hassle seeing parents designing their parenting style around such extreme choices.

Choosing the extreme reaction is never wise, if you ask me, and should even be applied to most everything in life, as well.

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