When Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced that they were having a child, you could almost hear the Internet “awwws.”
And the “ewwwws.”
“Oh this baby is going to be so cute,” gushed one fan, Amy, on TMZ.com. “I’m so happy for you, Kim!”
Others were less thrilled.
“These two are going to turn motherhood into a farce and a paycheck,” read a post by NinpoLore on Huffingtonpost.com. “Someone save me from Kim and Kanye and the resulting bitterness they catalyze inside me.”
Ouch. The raven-haired beauty and her antics have always inspired intense emotions. Now, she’s made a baby with a rapper not known for his humility (he was mean to Taylor Swift!) while embroiled in a messy divorce with her husband of 72 days.
She is pregnant at the same time as Kate Middleton and Jessica Simpson. Even though their babies will be exposed to loads of media attention, I’m not too worried about their well-being. However, I am concerned for Baby Kimye. How can he or she possibly have a well-adjusted life? As a working mom, I put my child’s privacy and safety above everything else. I don’t even post pictures of him on Facebook. But I can see Kardashian tweeting every time this baby spits up.
Unfortunately, Baby Kimye likely is doomed to the pages of People and US Weekly, where exhausted mommies in nail salons – yes, including me – will unwind with images of her doing “normal things,” like throwing a tantrum at a Pinkberry in Santa Monica.
Sure, money will never be an issue for this child. Some speculate that Kardashian could rake in millions from endorsing everything from formula to strollers. If she follows the celebrity mom playbook, you can add a line of baby clothes and a postpartum weight loss product and be certain that Baby Kimye will be diapered in dollar bills.
Considering our culture’s obsession with celebrity babies, it’s hard enough to keep them out of the spotlight even if you don’t actively court it. The paparazzi are always there, snapping photos of Brangelina’s kids and catching Suri Cruise with a binky in her mouth.
With her mom already on a reality show and revealing every detail of her daily life, Baby Kimye has no chance of escaping the spotlight. Let’s face it: This could be a way for Kardashian to reshape her image, and this baby could be a conduit for that. Instead of headlines about Kardashian’s sex life, we’ll read about how Baby Kimye took her first step or slept through the night for the first time. Kardashian suddenly would be relatable.
Nothing recasts the public’s attention like bundles of joy. After all, motherhood practically reinvented Tori Spelling’s career. Same with Nicole Richie. She went from being the best friend of a rich girl famous for having sex on a videotape to a successful fashion designer and judge on NBC’s “Fashion Star.”
Yes, Baby Kimye will likely change the image of Kardashian as we know it, but who will teach the kid humility? Conservation over excess? A play date with the Brangelina bunch could certainly instill some sense of humility and philanthropy, but those kids are probably booked up through high school.
Baby Kimye needs good influences. Recently, sources close to Kardashian and West told TMZ that the couple turned down an overseas tabloid’s offer to pay $3 million to obtain the first photos of the baby. If you ask me, they’re holding out for a bidding war in the double digits. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie sold the first pictures of their twins for $14 million, but they donated every cent to charity. Not that they have really shielded their six children from the media, but at least more people in a developing nation will have clean water.
Baby Kimye, whether you’re a boy or a girl, I have hopes for you. I hope you enjoy the peace and quiet of your mommy’s womb because it’s going to be a lot different when you come out. When that day comes, I hope your aunts and Grammy Kris hug and kiss you a lot. I hope someone shares with you the beauty of your Armenian heritage. I hope you can go to the park without the paparazzi, and above all, I hope your gift when you turn 5 is not a reality show.
By JESSICA YADEGARAN