According to a press release, the must-have for Valentine’s Day this year was a trip to the doctor’s office to get the perfect pout – “a smooth pout with natural, youthful-looking volume.”

That’s right, that snarly, snarky, sulky look you reprimanded your kids for is exactly what you need on your drying, middle-aged face to celebrate the day of love. The real beauty of the perfect pout is that you can get one for yourself or for your true love, or you can both get them. Does anything say I love you like a brand new perfect pout? The couple that pouts together, stays together.

How exactly did any couple pull this gift off? Here’s how I imagined it going.

“Dear, I have a special gift in mind for you this Valentine’s Day.”

To which your Mr. Romantic says, “Steak, ballgame or automobile?”

“Injectable filler and sharp needles,” you purr.

Mr. Romantic passes out cold on the kitchen floor.

Maybe the better scenario was giving the perfect pout to yourself. You stole away, had your lips injected and returned looking like that iconic sex symbol Daffy Duck.

Your true love glanced at your big pouting kisser and thought to himself, “Great, Valentine’s Day isn’t even here and she’s already in a pout. I didn’t even have a chance to get it wrong and she’s already in a snit.”

These holidays are often a lose-lose, aren’t they guys?

By the way, the press release from a California dermatologist also says that a really good pout can last 6-9 months. Personally, I always thought a 10-minute pout was more than enough.

The physician touting the perfect pout explained that topical plumper products contain irritants that cause a mild allergy in the lips, which triggers swelling for a short period of time. Far better than a topical treatment is having the good doctor load fillers into a syringe and plunge the needle in your lips, which will also cause swelling but will also last far longer. So really it’s a matter of more gain for your pain.

Perhaps the best advice the doctor offered is to plan ahead. And really, isn’t that always good advice? There’s nothing like February 14th popping up completely unexpectedly right after the 10th, 11th, 12th and 13th. If you missed out, there’s always pouting over President’s Day or Easter.

Don’t tell me you were thinking of flowers, cherry pie and chocolate eggs.

(Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Contact her at lori@loriborgman.com.)

2012, Lori Borgman.

By LORI BORGMAN