Invisible moms! Mind-reading moms! Magic moms! The best news for moms I’ve seen all day is in the latest Time magazine, “The Invention Issue,” which ranks the 50 Best Inventions of 2011.
Mamas, this is not about new e-readers. The times, they are a-changin’ in our favor! Child-rearing may never be the same. Yes, there is a new Mars Rover and a better electric car but there also are new technologies that can rock our kids’ worlds. No wonder the college students are protesting the cuts to their classes and raises in tuitions. They’ve got inventions to polish up, and I, for one, cannot wait for them to do so. Imagine stepping up to your mirror in the morning and everything you need to do appears before your eyes. I might run screaming back to bed because of that one, but a mom could make some serious magic with with an invisibility cloak. Heh heh. No more surprise ditch days or after-prom parties with suspicious beverages.
This whole list is a must-see. But here’s my commentary on the most promising advances for mothers:
1. Mommy drones: Helicopter mothers, rejoice. There is now a teeny, tiny hummingbird drone called the Nano Air Vehicle (NAV) with a spy camera. You know how teens never want to be seen with us? We can keep an eye on them now and who will ever guess it’s us? OK, it’s a little pricey at $4 million but maybe we can share the expense with our girlfriends and divvy up the expenses.
2. Mind-reading software: Most moms do just fine reading the minds of our children, but now technology can actually draw us a picture. The bright lights at the University of California at Berkeley have cooked up a kind of supercharged MRI that models what people are thinking. This should at last determine which kid ate the cookies.
3. The Cold Killer: No more runny noses! No more all-nighters soothing a hacking child. Those geniuses at MIT have figured out a drug that might cure colds. It hammers viruses the way antibiotics beat down bacteria. That alone could save us hours of sleep and tons of tissues. Hooray!
4. The Ultimate Lullaby: The British band Marconi Union has recorded “Weightless.” Tests show that this music, 8 minutes and 10 seconds, reduced anxiety by 65%. Best of all, this works for both mom and baby!
5. Give Those Inventors A Hand: The Possessed Hand is an armband with electrodes that controls your hand. Talk about being the life of the party, your kids could instantly play keyboards, guitar, and I would hope, pick up the 450-piece Lego set out of the carpet. Makes me wonder if we can wire the kid up and then turn it on “pause”, making him stop pinching his brother.
Bonus — The perfect child: At last, we have the perfectly obedient child! Siri is the fun feature on Apple’s new iPhone 4S that actually listens to us when we tell her to do something. Really, tell Siri to find you the best sale on Pampers right now or write a thank you note to your boss and she will actually do it. I’m thinking mischievous thoughts. Siri could hound the teenagers 100 times a day to slow down in the car, stand up straight, cough into their elbows and pick up their socks.
There are dozens more new brainstorms in this awesome article that could reinvent motherhood and I, for one, can’t wait for them to get to a local store near me. Check them out right here: