Central Valley Moms

Self & Beauty


just the mutterings of a hormonal woman

My apologies to the men who might read this. Perhaps you might want to just move along…but then again if you have ever once in your life said you just don’t get women…well. at least you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

A couple of years ago during one of those annual lady-parts exam I over-shared unloaded to my practitioner a long list of physical complaints that I had. It was then that I heard for the first time the word menopause rather than peri-menopause. But, but I am only in my forties, I sputtered. My Mommy Dearest was dealing with this in her fifties. I was still a young(ish) woman. Some of my patients mothers are the same age as me for pity’s sake…not that I was planning on having a baby. But lab work showed that along with other symptoms that I was complaining about I was definitely transitioning into menopause. The good news (?) was that this transition takes time…months…even years.

Ain’t it great being a girl?!

Thankfully my practitioner was all about helping me in managing and even alleviating some of the more annoying symptoms. Hurray for lifestyle adjustments and hormone therapy! I know my family has been thankful for them.

Then this year during my annual exam, the doc asks me when was my last menstrual period.

Um….last summer…?

She is surprised that I can’t remember. Shouldn’t I be keeping track of these things? Well, yes. I should. But then again there is no worry of getting pregnant or tracking my fertility. I guess I wasn’t keeping track. I remember having to buy tampons sometime last summer and needing them sometime then…like before Holly and Ben’s flash mob wedding and after BlogHer

We women do keep track of things like periods this way.

Don’t judge. It works.

My practitioner takes in this information and being the mathematical wizard that she is tells me that I am thisclose to the end.

The end?

The end. She reminds me that menopause is the permanent end of menstruation and fertility, defined as occurring 12 months after your last menstrual period. With less than two months to go, she tells me that it looks like I am  winding down to the end of that phase in my life.

Well good then! I’m just ready for this phase, this peri-menopause stage to be over and done with. Oh, and the thought that I am definitely done buying feminine hygiene products for myself is pretty cool too.

Then today I received my gift from Mother Nature…

Damn you, Mother Nature and your stupid gift wrapped up in a pretty pink bow! Damn you to Hell!

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  • Laura Scarborough
  • Website:

  • as the wife of one man, the mom of five kids (ages 24, 19, 17, 14 and 9) including one with special medical and learning needs, the "Mi-Ma" of only the most amazing toddler grand-daughter ever and RN in a busy level III neonatal intensive care unit here in the Central Valley what else would I be doing but juggling? Come on over to the Big Top and check out my adventures in juggling.