I’ve always been suspicious of anything that makes extraordinary demands on the time of my children.  With errant parenting and educational problems on the rise, it seems many good folks think they have the program that will make a generation of super-kids.   Everyone seems to want more and more of our kids’ time.  How do our children fit in to this equation?

I was visiting a friend in Palo Alto a few weeks ago.  Sipping coffee, we were watching a steady stream of children on their way to a school just around the corner from her.  I asked why she wasn’t taking her little girls to the same school.  She told me it was a school with a total immersion foreign language program with very demanding homework and participation requirements.  They just weren’t confident about putting their girls through that kind of rigor.  I don’t know many parents that haven’t had concerns for the amount of homework children get these days.

My friend and I continued to discuss the matter of schools and homework.  She went on to tell me about a problem that is being studied in the Palo Alto area.  There had been rash of teen suicides in recent years.   Teens were sacrificing their lives to oncoming trains.   It was being said that these teens had a lot of pressure to meet high performance expectations from their schools and family.

A recent documentary “Race to Nowhere” documents the problems of high performance expectations and its effects on the lives of our children.  “Race to Nowhere” was screened in Fresno this past weekend and special screenings are continuing throughout the state.  Check out their website.  It’s getting some serious attention.

We’ve always encouraged our children to do their best and they rarely disappoint us.  It’s important to us that they balance school requirements with home-life, sports, church-life, and a social life.  I had concerns about AP courses because of the demands and its effects on the balance.  Of course, both our children rebelled and took these classes anyway.  When it was determined that the demands were too great, it came down to tearful withdrawals from the courses.  Exhaustion and depression had set in.  Good communication saved us.

A few other things get lost with the high-performance culture.  Many children don’t do chores.  It really is an essential part of development.  Learning to work as a team and contribute to community is important.   It starts at home.   Children are often so tied up with activities that they simply aren’t around to help out.  Many children miss family and social events because of “commitments.”  Engaging with family is important.  Contributing in the home is important.  But there is more.  Children deserve a social life.  They need unstructured time with friends with reasonable limits.  Loosen the tether!

It may be old-fashioned but, I love Sundays.  I like Sunday dinner.  Even churches can be a little guilty by scheduling activities for young folks on Sunday nights.  I’d like for the outside world to keep its mitts off Sundays.

As adults we struggle with balancing time and priorities to keep it all together.  We can’t expect our children to do it without our help.  We have to pay attention to their intrinsic developmental needs and balance.  In my mind, it boils down to one simple thing.  A balanced kid is a happy kid.  A happy kid is a super kid.