Most of you ladies already know how this works, but I thought I’d let all my newly-married friends in on the process. It doesn’t take very long to master. Also, I’m really in the mood to watch Clueless, so please disregard the random images.
- Go shopping with a friend.
- Find overpriced outfit and fall in love. Friend says it makes your boobs look bigger, your butt look smaller and your legs look longer. Have you been working out?
- Purchase outfit. And coordinating accessories. Aaaaand those new heels (they were 40% off, you savvy shopper, you).
- Part ways with friend. Drive home alone in your car. In the silence and solitude, reality suddenly hits. Recall how your husband reacted to your last big purchase.
- Sweat profusely.
- Remember your fail-safe plan and immediately relax.
- Stop by the store and pick up your husband’s favorite drink. Actually, make that two, because you’re that thoughtful.
- Make it home before your husband does. Leave all shopping bags in your trunk except the one with the shoes. You will be using them as a prop later on.
- Go inside, set husband’s drink next on the side table next to his favorite chair. Turn on the baseball game/tv show/video game.
- Slip into your fabulous new heels.
- Husband comes home and is delighted by your thoughtfulness. Ask him if he noticed your new shoes. Tell him that they were on sale. Tell him his muscles look bigger today. Tell him he’s your favorite. BUTTER HIM UP, GOOD.
- Let him watch the game and enjoy his drink.
- Now quick, while he’s distracted, run back out to your car and get all the shopping bags. Sneak them inside and hide them in the VERY back corner of your closet, under that old ratty blanket. Casually toss another blanket over it. Make it look natural, and like it’s been untouched for months.
- Next week, wear your new shirt. The following week, prance around the house in the skirt. Subtly and gradually introduce your husband to each item you purchased, but NEVER be the first one to point anything out.
- If asked, “Is that new?” simply reply, “This thing?? Honey, I’ve had it forever.“
CLASSIC! Another good trick: While sweating in panic, stop by Best Buy or REI on the way home and get hubby that bike accessory/REI item/video game/new DVD he’s been eye-ing, and set it next to his favorite drink. Should he notice the bags in the closet, remind him how hypocritical it is to be angry about your purchase when he just got something, too.
:^)
Traci, you are so right!
LOL! Oh my, you busted me out Morgan! I thought I was the only one in on ‘that’ trick. Well, I might have learned it from my mom. Are these the valuable lessons we pass down to our daughters? LOL
Traci, I hadn’t thought of that one before!!! Oooh, a new twist!
If you’re in the corner and have got no cash to go out from that point, you will have to receive the business loans. Because that will help you emphatically. I get financial loan every time I need and feel myself good just because of it.
You’ve all forgot that handy trick I use. If he says anything about something I’ve bought, I shoot him the “Psycho wife…don’t mess with me” look (you know we all have one!) and simply say…”It makes me HAPPY! You prefer me HAPPY, right?” Enough said…they’ll leave you alone at that point!