Today news sources are announcing that former Vice President Al Gore is splitting from his wife, Tipper – his spouse of 40 years. My first reaction was you have got to be kidding me. Who gets a divorce after 40 years of marriage? Who puts up with all that drama and tension (in the public eye, nevertheless) only to jump ship once they get to the happy golden years?
Their kids are grown, the house is paid off, there’s a sizable retirement in a well-established nest egg. It’s too late for this, people…don’t go to this extreme and throw it all away. Why didn’t you think about this a long time ago?
If you recall in the case of their friends, the Clintons, Hilary didn’t leave President Clinton after his fiasco in the 90′s. On the contrary, she stayed with him. She moved on (at least on the outside). She became a senator!
Not that I agree with Hilary either, because I probably wouldn’t have stayed, but the point is that they’re still together, it was their decision, and they got through it somehow…and now they SHOULD BE set. The thought of divorce shouldn’t even cross their minds now because they’ve already made it this far. They’ve learned their lessons.
I’m not saying that what Hilary did when she chose to stay is necessarily understandable, but to me, it’s easier to understand than calling it quits after 40 years like Al and Tipper. Sure, I understand the whole “better late than never” defense, but it just seems way too late for me.
Is getting a divorce after 40 years any different than someone in their 80s getting a divorce? I mean, really. Is it REALLY that bad that they’ve got to do a complete re-invention of the system NOW, at this point in their lives?
There’s so many years that have been lost. Love should conquer all if a marriage reaches a certain milestone, whether they’ve been together 40 years, or if they’re 80 years old. It’s just not right to drag it out like that…you should be free and clear at a certain point in your marriage. Not that I know that’s really the case, but it should be.
(Photo source: AP)
I COMPLETELY AGREE! Maybe it’s because I’ve yet to get past the 5 year marriage mark, but it made me so sad to think that you could be with your spouse for 40 years– FORTY YEARS– and then pfft, done. End. Over. Those of us who have face do-overs, there is something super scary about this. Like, we know the flavor of marital failure, and the secret hope is that after a certain point, you know you’ve made it, you’re safe, things won’t fall apart.
I didn’t even know I basked in these failure fears. It scares me to think that nothing is ever safe from COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISASTER.
Also, I don’t think she looks very comfortable in that kiss.
the news makes me a little sad but at the same time as i have struggled of late with the ebbs and flows of my own 27 year marriage i get the growing apart kind of thing. when the kids are around and in the high point of career there really isn’t time to think about the fact that interests have diverged. suddenly the kids are gone, retirement looms large and your spouse is nothing more than a room-mate…a room-mate who annoys the hell out of you and you have virtually nothing within arms’ reach in common.
i think the take-away here is a couple must never become complacent and settled always assuming the status quo in their marriage is good. in order to maintain a healthy, thriving relationship we have to both be willing to work and give…a lot…all the time.
They’re not dead yet folks. 40 years is a long time, but there’s also a lot of life left yet. It does take constant work to remain growing together — and not apart. I know it’s a goal a girlfriend and I chatted about over lunch awhile back. Really loved her husband’s perspective — sit down and create a goal together and always have something they’re working towards as a team so they grow and change together.
I can say grow like 50 more times if you like lol.
@Traci: LOL…yeah, I still remember how awkward that kiss felt. Like, did that just happen?!
@Laura: yeah, it’s that “give” part that is challenging. Sometimes I consciously stop myself and say: “uh, Clare? This is a good moment to do your share of the giving equation now.”
@Gen: I like the idea of setting goals with the spouse. It puts things into perspective and can keep you better grounded when there’s something you’re trying to reach together.
You could also weave in bribery. Haha
I wonder how Clare’s husband will feel when he finds out she’s only staying with him because of time invested.
Do you think he will be really mad when he finds out he shopped with her, learned to hold a purse, dealt with her PMS, and listened to her all the time so she could chalk up their marriage as time invested.
Since Clare thinks the Gores should have thought about this [divorce] a long time ago when will Clare start pondering the idea?
When are we considered free and clear? I’d like to know so I can stop trying and just bank on years invested.
I guess having my kids gone, my house paid off, and having a well-established nest egg will lure me into staying in my marriage no matter how bad it is.
If adultry is not enough reason to divorce (as Hilary taught us) then my husband is going to have to break one of the other (I guess bigger??) commandments for me to get rid of him!
Traci said it right. . . Nothing is ever safe from complete and total disaster.
“…time invested.”
You use that phrase a lot; however, I don’t believe I actually ever used that phrase. Maybe you missed my point.
If you read closely, I used phrases like: “they put up with the drama,” “they got through it,” “they made it.”
If a marriage is able to overcome many things, put up with the drama, get through it (such as the death of a loved one, poor health, etc.) and is still around after 40 years, all other challenges should pale in comparison to any other major drama they’ve already been through.
My tongue and cheek response was merely for laughs about some of the things you wrote I found to be humorous.
Come on, you used terms like “free and clear” and “should be set.” You say “should be.” Life is full of “should be”. Its fun to hear other peoples should be phrases! Really, it is fun to read your blogs because you and I come from opposite views. I have been encouraging friends to read these blogs and also have posted links to them from my Facebook. If you are going to write in a place where people can comment you need to thicken up the skin. I am merely poking fun at our differences in thoughts and ideas, it’s not personal. Keep blogging and enjoy yourself!
By the way, divorce sucks and I would never want it. I’ve been married for 17 years to a non-purse-holding guy. But, if he cheats, lies, becomes a drug addict, or gets real fat, hairy and ugly, I’m OUT! (-:
Well, I certainly value your tongue in cheek here more than the tongue in cheek action in that photo up there.
P.S. My husband has even picked out the purses that he has to hold.
I’m sure Ms. Gore loves the triple-chin angle on that kiss. lol.
Whoa, you folks are some tough bunnies. So Al and Tipper’s 40-year marriage is a failure — a “total disaster” — because it didn’t last forever? This marriage shows a rare devotion that deserves to be celebrated. It endured 40 years through incredible stress and adversity. I admire them for saying “job well done” and ending it with grace and respect for each other. How refreshing that (as far as we know) there was no trashy affair, no baby mama in the wings, no evidence of years of deception or sleaze, no string of gay prostitutes creeping out of the woodwork. They are proving that it is possible to end a long, loving relationship with grace, moving on to Chapter Two in a way that honors each other and the family they created. God bless them during this difficult time, and I wish even more love for them in the future.
LOVE, love, love your response Gail.